5 Things You Should Do Before Getting Married

Before getting into a serious relationship with your new partner, there are some issues that need to be addressed to avoid unpleasant surprises. Here are the Five essential topics to discuss before getting started.

With your new partner, everything is perfect. You get butterflies in your stomach every time you see him or her, your love is fresh, passionate, and you start making plans. The indicators are green and you can see yourself making a long-term commitment. But even though you may seem like the perfect couple, it’s best to take a step back before jumping in. There are a few things that you really need to clarify with each other to avoid communication problems in the future.

Of course it is not a question of making your lover sign a formal contract, but to know a little better the hopes and expectations of each one. Both for the future of the couple, and for your respective futures, personally and professionally. In the same way, these few points are not “red flags.” If you don’t see eye-to-eye on these topics, that’s not the death knell for your relationship. It will simply mean knowing a little better where you stand. So here are the 5 topics you absolutely must discuss with your new partner.

How each of you sees your future in the medium and long term

Would you rather have a house in the country or an apartment in the city? Stay in France or travel abroad? Do you want to get married one day or not? Do any of you imagine a professional reconversion in the future? Do you want children? The goal of this conversation is to find out a little more about the long-term desires and hopes of each partner, and whether they are compatible. If one partner can’t see himself or herself living anywhere but in the country and the other doesn’t want to leave the city under any circumstances, this could create tension in the future, or at least be a major topic of discussion.

One of the most important issues is children. Even if you are a long way from having (or not having) those children, it is important to quickly address everyone’s desires on the subject. Indeed, the answer can be decisive for the durability of your relationship.

Discuss your boundaries and what each person wants from the relationship

Before you commit, it’s important to understand what each of you wants from the relationship. Each of you has a life of your own, and it can be critical to know how much time you are willing to devote to your relationship. From the beginning, be clear about the place that work takes in your daily life, your hobbies, but also the place of your social life. Getting into a relationship doesn’t mean giving up on your lifestyle. At best, it means adapting it to make room for the new person.

It is also an opportunity to clarify what each person means by a serious relationship. The limits not to be crossed are not in the same place for all, and it is necessary to agree on the subject from the start in order to avoid disputes later on.

Everyone’s relationship to the family

If the most important thing is of course the relationship between the two members of the couple, other people can play a significant role in the smooth running of your love story: the family-in-law. Often, it goes well, and fortunately! But before committing yourself, it is important to have an idea of the place your in-laws will take in your relationship. If you feel that your partner’s parents could interfere a little too much in your private life and that this poses a problem for you, don’t hesitate to discuss it quickly, and to express your limits.

It’s much the same with your close friends. A best friend who spends all day on the couch can be problematic.

Everyone’s relationship to money

This is a thorny issue, and often difficult to address even when the relationship is well underway. But money is a very important subject. If you both have very different views on money management, it could get stuck. If you are very thrifty and your partner likes to indulge himself or herself, this could become a frequent topic of debate in your relationship, especially in the long term.

Bringing up the subject early on will allow you to see the other person’s relationship with money, and whether it is compatible with yours. Don’t hesitate to try to play down the subject. It can be a real driver of tension in a couple. If necessary, agree from the beginning of the relationship on the sharing of the cost of your outings together, for example, so that you don’t get bored if the accounts are not good (Kevin). In the same way, before settling down together, it is necessary to define a financial operation which does not disadvantage anybody.

Have an idea of whether your values are compatible

Values are very broad, and you won’t be able to cover them all in one discussion. Whether it’s cultural issues, politics, commitments on various subjects or even your relationship with religion, sharing similar values, or at least accepting and understanding those of the other, is essential. The important thing is to respect your partner’s opinions and beliefs, and to know what to expect in the future. These values can have a significant impact on what your partner expects from a relationship, so it is important to discuss them beforehand.